What is wrong with everybody? Did everybody just take leave of their senses and decide to play the biggest practical joke on me by saying this was a good movie? First of all, all of you with children 2-13, you are never again allowed to recommend another movie to another adult until you have seen three (3) consecutive rated R or unrated films (foreign ones count) so you get some much-needed perspective on what a good film is (or used to be). I have received non-stop recommendations of this film, some from people whose opinions I (used to) respect. But after watching this steaming pile, my faith in humanity was shaken a bit.
The Lego Movie is a kid's film that is supposed to be fun for adults too, but it is neither. It starts off with Emmit Brickowski (Get it? BRICKowski? Because they're Legos. Building bricks! Haaaar! The reason you're not laughing is because it isn't funny, like this whole movie), an ordinary construction Lego man who is prophesied to defeat Lord Business/President Business/The Man Upstairs, an evil tyrant who wants to glue the Lego world into permanent stasis. Emmit and his cast of master builders must stop Lord Business by not following the directions and overthrow his dastardly plan. If that doesn't make much sense, then welcome to the club.
From the references the kids won't understand to the moronic, muddling and self-contradictory plotline, the stupidly vapid main song, to the non-stop commercials of what Lego playsets are out there to a degree that borders on whoring, this is such a stupid, STUPID, STUPID (did I say stupid enough to get it across how incredibly, mind-numbingly stupid this film is?) movie that should not be unleashed on anyone. And I see there is a sequel in the mix. So what is so bad about this film, you ask? First of all, the plot totally contradicts itself. At first, it seems to say that conformity leads to a dull and dead existence and that creativity is what makes life and vibrant. Those who think outside the box, don't follow the instructions are the heroes. We are introduced to this idea in what they call the master builders who build mishmash Lego creations that overcome the tyranny of sameness and uniformity. But wait! They are overcome by Lord Business and the only way they can defeat him is to team up, work as a uniformed unit, follow the directions and eventually convince Lord Business that he is also a master builder. This magically transforms him into a good guy, don't ask me how, but makes no sense. Next, the insipid song Everything Is Awesome. There used to be songs like When You Wish Upon A Star, The Bare Necessities, Once Upon A Dream, Let's Go Fly A Kite, The Beautiful Briny, even Friend Like Me and The Circle of Life. Now, I don't want to sound like the "Get off my yard" guy, but there was a time, not so long ago, that some thought went into the songs of these films. Basically, Everything Is Awesome is strikingly similar to the stupid, reductionist crap that passes for pop music today. A semi-catchy, bouncy beat with autotune brainlessness behind it. Finally, this is a feature-length commercial for another toy. There have been one or two good ones done (Clue, Real Steel (although technically not based on Rock Em Sock Em Robots, but really what else were you thinking?) Toy Story, the first Transformers) and a LOT of really bad ones (Masters of the Universe, The Chipmunks Movie, The Smurfs Movie, Battleship, the other two Transformers). This MUST stop!!! Honestly, I have not figured out why all these Lego-based things keep coming out. Lego Star Wars was a stupid game, and so was every other Lego franchise.
Now, you will notice I didn't make this a BOMB rating. That is because there are some MILDLY amusing jokes in it. The SPOILER ALERT! Star Wars cameo and that Batman is kind of a prick. They made me smile, but two kind of funny jokes do not make up for such a stinkbomb like this as a whole.
Are parents so hard up for quality entertainment for their children that they have to go to this? With so much other great stuff out there, why show them this? Parents, please be discerning for your kids. Just off the top of my head, in the recent past, there has been great kid's movies out there like: Up, Toy Story (all of them), How To Train Your Dragon, Madagascar, Ice Age, Frozen. When you can't stand those anymore, start mining the classics like: The Iron Giant, Howl's Moving Castle, Spirited Away, any Disney movie, The Wizard of Oz, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Star Wars, The Dark Crystal, The Land Before Time, any Godzilla film, any Ray Harryhausen film ie Seventh Voyage of Sinbad, Jason and the Argonauts, ANY of them will do. The point is, if we keep supporting these big commercials masquerading as movies, Hollywood will keep making them. Excellence in children's fare should not be the sole purview of Disney and Pixar. Demand and support better stuff and you will get it. Keep buying this crap and that's what you will continue to get.
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