Monday, August 17, 2015

Train Wreck

1.5 Stars (out of four)

Oh, I so wanted this to be good.  Amy Schumer's comedy can be brutally funny at times.  But, much like suppositories, this movie proved that she is only good in SHORT doses, and the longer it goes on, the more painful and humiliating it gets.  I admit, I like her a lot. Her internet shorts "Inside Amy Schumer" consistently make me laugh until I hurt.  That said, there is some stuff I don't get about her.  Now, I'm no prude, but what is up with her wine-swilling, barely functioning alcoholic persona mean?  Is she lampooning younger women today who drink way too much wine, or is she trying to be hip?  It really isn't clear sometimes.  This weird persona of hers is on full display in her movie, written with Judd Apatow, Train Wreck.

The story starts with two young girls being told by their father that monogamy is unrealistic and you should only live for yourself.  Flash forward an undetermined number of years and she is a writer for a Maxim-type men's magazine and she is essentially screwing her way through New York City.  For an assignment, she interviews a sports doctor who has revolutionized joint replacement, and works for Doctors Without Borders.  After being dumped by her boyfriend for her philandering ways, she begins to fall for this doctor, but she is so screwed in the head with misconceptions about relationships in general and men in particular, she doesn't know what she wants.  Hilarity ensues.

Now, I am not saying this movie isn't funny, because it is very funny in parts.  The stereotypical feminine relationship between her boyfriend and Lebron James is particularly hilarious, especially Lebron.  Normally, the kiss of death is to let athletes act (Brett Favre, Michael Jordan, Shaq and Mike Tyson ring a bell?  They're not funny.  You're not laughing with them, but AT them.  It's sad), but in this movie, Lebron is so earnest, it's impossible not to love his performance.  Amy herself, despite all the stupid stuff in this movie, is absolutely fearless in her eviceration of everything, including herself.  Which makes what I'm going to say next, so tragic.

You know how you broads hate it when we (men) tell blonde jokes and women-are-bad-driver jokes?  Why is that?  Because it shows an absolute idiocy in understanding women and reduces them to negative stereotypes that go for the lowest common denominator.  News flash!  All women are different.  They're not dumb, stupid, forgetful, flighty or crazy.  Now ladies, I know you don't want to hear this, but here goes: all men are not dumb, muscle-bound brutes who are totally clueless.  "But," I hear you shrilly yelling at me, "you men have been doing this for years!  What's good for the goose...etc, etc etc.."  To which I reply: this dumb stereotype has been going on in almost every female-based comedy or rom-com in the past thirty years.  Enough!  It gets old!  Get some new material!  This joke has played out a loooong time ago.  Be more clever than the knuckle-dragged so and prove us wrong.

Another thing I don't get with today's comedy is the very brutal and unimaginative takes on previous taboo subjects.  For instance, there is a scene where Amy wants her muscle-bound boyfriend to talk dirty and it gets more and more pathetic.  It ends with him getting almost gay when he compares her ass to another dude's.  I have said it time and again, anything for its own sake is gratuitous and lazy.  The same goes for crudity.  Just because you show an escalating argument where one guy keeps getting more and more graphic about how he will anally rape another guy (See?  The non-gay guy is saying more and more gay things to another guy. He must be a closeted gay!  Isn't that funny?) doesn't make it funny.  And dwelling on it after the rule of three doesn't make it any funnier.  This modern tendency to focus on the obvious and drag it to uncomfortable lengths (starting with Austin Powers and brought to new heights by the incredibly unfunny TV show, The Office) isn't funny.  Crudity for its own sake is a cheat and it's lazy. It's the same reason I hate Andrew Dice Clay's comedy.  I don't mind the occasional dick and fart joke.  In the right place, they can be quite funny.  In Train Wreck, it was the opposite.

And that's too bad because Amy is a great comic.  But in this movie she comes off as selfish, oafish, stupid, blind, arrogant and ultimately pretty unpleasant.  The cast of Seinfeld were the same way, but they had that magic sauce that Train Wreck lacked: cleverness.  Anyone can make a joke about hanging a towel off a guy's dick (as they do in this film), but that's a lazy cheat.  This movie's premise was great and could have been comedic gold, but came out mostly as sludge with moments of real brilliance in it.  And that is the final tragedy, because Amy deserved better than this.  She is crass, but incredibly witty.  In here, she's just...sad.


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