Okay, so it took me awhile, but I finally did it. I saw Thor: The Dark World. I must admit, like I said in my review of Guardians of the Galaxy, I wasn't all that hyped to see the film. I was not impressed by Thor, which I think is the weakest of the Marvel movies so far (if you don't count Ang Lee's The Hulk, Iron Man 2, Daredevil, or any Punisher movie up to this point). But Thor wasn't a bad movie, just didn't surpass the incredibly high bar Marvel has set for itself so far. It was underwhelming and I was incredibly disappointed. Hemsworth and Hiddleston are great, it's just that their characters or stories aren't all that interesting. I am baffled as to why so many people like it. It's pretty dull. So, needless to say, I went into Thor: The Dark World with low expectations, hoping my faith would be rewarded like it was with Guardians of the Galaxy. And I have to say...
It wasn't.
The plot is pretty simple. Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), is once again in trouble. Thor has left for two years, and she is all goodly-eyed trying to find him again. What she does find, however, is an ancient power, the Aether, which promptly takes over her and is killing her. See, the Aether is one of the infinity stones (except it's liquid), ancient, powerful forces of energy. It was to be used by Malechi, the leader of a powerful race who hates the Asgardians, the Frost Gian...I mean, the Night Elves. So, in an epic battle, Tho...I mean Odin fights the Frost Gia...I mean the Night Elves and takes the source of their power, an infinity stones called the Tasera...I mean, the Aether away from them. The Frost Gia...I mean Night Elf King swears vengeance for a time when a space anomaly will occur so he can take the Tasera...I mean the Aether back so the Frost Gian...I mean the NIGHT ELVES can take over Asgard and begin a new age of domination. If the plot sounds familiar, it's because it is. It's pretty much the same movie, except not as dull.
Our second foray into Asgard is almost as dull as the first. The producers learned one important lesson, though. Of you're going to make the same, dull movie again, don't set it in the middle of Bumf%ck, New Mexico. Instead, move the dullness to a not-so-dull city, London! Why? Doesn't really matter. The movie is just as dull. Everybody's back, just more so. Natalie Portman's back as Jane, in the thankless role of being the horny damsel in distress. She does absolutely nothing except faints a lot. That is, until the end when the producers realized that the movie needed some grrl power and had her do some scientific stuff at the end to show she actually has a brain. Except, no, actually, she uses all the work Peter (Skellan Skarrsgärd) already did. Unfortunately for Skellan, he can only act, but he is not pretty, so he has to run around naked and/or pantsless for a depressingly and eye-searingly long time (why couldn't this have been Natalie's part?) during the film. Kat Dennings, who plays the plucky comic relief (more annoyingly this time, if that is possible and not really comic at all) intern to our merry band of idiotic PhD's who frankly, are lucky they can locate their ass with both hands. I guess we are supposed to love their kwirky eccentricities, buy really I wanted to yell at all of them throughout the movie.
In fact, as I type this, I took half a star off because I just realized my intelligence is being insulted throughout the whole movie. It is marginally more interesting than the first Thor, but what makes me mad is what a ridiculously wasted opportunity this was. The movie is not bad. It could habe been great, but the producers seem to insist on rehashing old dullness and giving us new dullness. There is so much talent here going to waste. The effects are great, the visuals are popping, the costumes and sets are amazing. Hemsworth and Hiddleston in particular are perfect for their roles. In fact, everyone in the movie is great in their roles. These movies could have been interesting. They could have been fun. They could have been different. But they were none of these. They are essentially two dull, identical movies. But don't worry...the movie promises there will be a THIRD one. Maybe they can make this one even duller!
(Disclaimer: The subtle usage of the word dull in this review should be taken in no other way than to say the movie and everything in it are dull. Just in case you missed it.)
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